APHC2025 Report: Dr. Tan Wei Ming

Dr. Tan Wei Ming is a recipient of MHPCC Travel Grant. He is an individual member of MHPCC.

Vulnerability

Sitting at the boarding gate waiting for the flight to London for my oversea training just less than 24 hours touching down from Kuching after attending the 16th Asia Pacific Hospice Palliative Care Conference 2025 and feeling both physically and mentally drained have made me think that I should be better in planning next time. Nonetheless, I was particularly grateful for the conference sponsorship granted by the Malaysian Hospice and Palliative Care Council.

Vulnerability - Something that I would like to share in this article. Never ever in my life would I have thought that I would be so profoundly affected by it, both personally and professionally. To begin with, vulnerability was probably the catalyst for this travel grant. Sharing what I planned to achieve attending this conference exposed my humble intentions which probably attracted the panelists. It was not easy for me though. I was not someone who was confident since young. To express my opinions and feelings was never an easy task for me to date.  I had always been wearing an armour trying to portray a perfect image expected from the local community. Being vulnerable was therefore never an option for me. I realized this after attending the spiritual care education which I believe has changed me for the better.

Vulnerability however was probably something that attracts me in palliative care, especially in the field of spiritual care. Venturing into palliative care was not easy and would never be, just like any other endeavour. I have had friends who asked me “Why would you even choose such a depressing subspeciality to venture into?” I replied, “Why not?” It was indeed a struggle for me initially, having to adjust my expectations when tending to my patients. Cure was no longer an achievable aim for both me and most of my patients. Comfort from the aspects of physical, psychosocial and spiritual was on the other hand the main priority now. Attending to people at their most vulnerable stages requires me to be vulnerable too. The willingness to actively listen to my patients, trying to experience what they are going through and expressing my feelings on their journey makes me vulnerable in front of them. The reverse is probably true. It must have taken lots of courage for them to reveal what is important to them, what values most to them and what their priority is now. Imagine sharing these personal thoughts of mine with someone I barely know. I definitely could not do it.

Vulnerability however can be extremely soothing. Being aware of my true feelings and starting to deal with them may not be easy initially but are rewarding once I start working on it. This is especially true when I am aware that these extreme emotions are well understood and empathized by another individual who does not experience what I have gone through. Perhaps this is also how my patients feel when they share their stories with me while I journey together with them. It is probably something really pivotal especially in the epidemic of loneliness among my patients with life-limiting illnesses living with poor social network and no one to share their stories with.

Vulnerability hence is something that makes us all human beings equals. It fuels the act of compassionate, prompting us to want to experience what the patient goes through, express how we feel about it and try to make it better. It is what makes us wounded healers. It also connects us and our colleagues who maybe struggling through life challenges and no one notices unless we listen to them. It also promotes our own spiritual healing once we start being vulnerable to ourselves and with each other.

When reflecting on the experience during the conference, isn’t it the vulnerability that enables meaningful connection to be made among people of the same interest and passion? Approaching people whose work we admire and sharing how we feel about it connect us and enable the expansion of crucial professional network, leading to collaboration among experts.

Being vulnerable however is not easy. I find it particularly hard especially when it comes to the people dearest to me. Being vulnerable peels me off layers after layers and exposes my true selves and feelings, leaving me bare. But it is something I am working on, and I would like to urge everyone to attempt to be. Things unsaid might become regrets later in our lives. But I have always thought that once we are able to overcome the hurdles of being vulnerable, we can become truer to ourselves. The sense of relief and calm after that was refreshing.

Sitting in the plane waiting for it to arrive in London, I am looking forward to coming back after my training. I would love to be focusing on community palliative care and spiritual care which I believe should be two of the core components in holistic approach as well as medical education on palliative care among undergraduate medical students, hoping to sow some seeds on the concept of holistic care from the beginning of their careers. These thoughts have made me so excited, and I am grateful for the opportunity to be vulnerable here and now in this article.